Second Nature Read online

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  The author wishes to thank Dennis Gilbert and Jennifer LaMia for their work with "the red pen," and Rhonda Hagerman for her time and patience while walking the author through the cover design process. The author also thanks her family and friends for their continued support, encouragement, and prayers, without which this book simply would not exist.

  For the original Corny fans:

  Barbara, Gina, Jenifer, Rhonda, Tina, and Vicki.

  ONE

  To:Captain Zhabog Indibigo

  Starfleet 9461, #347

  From: Lt. Commander Gifrath Ominit

  Dear Captain,

  Here is my report as requested by the disciplinary committee

  I was sent to the Planet Earth as a part of a team of three. Our assignment sounded simple: find the Yganea fugitive, Koczgal, in the forest of the Summerville Portal located at 43.131324, -87.108737 and return him to the Ichthod ship from whence he’d absconded.

  The team consisted of myself, a highly decorated member of the SNR with a specialized education in Earth, Human Mannerisms, and Earthling Culture, Dr. Peezel Peckins, our pilot and winner of the Casabella prize for excellence in science and astronomy, and Ms. Ellory Fitzgibbons, a private sector nurse who had been recently recruited by the SNR for her unusually strong sense of smell.

  Much against my better judgement, we were sent on mission disguised as a scavenging species of the planet. I was not a fan of these creature-suits due to their limitations, particularly in the departments of vocalization and mobility - we would not be able to speak with humans, and were forced to use quadrupedal locomotion. How much easier would it have been, I argued, to send us to earth in human form. My objections were overruled however, and I myself was convinced of the correctness of this course of action, when I was reminded that we were not expected to have interaction with humans on this mission, and the likelihood of our being recognized in a wooded environment was greatly diminished when disguised as forest-dwelling creatures.

  I was also reminded of how rudimentary our human disguises were, how strange they looked when photographed alongside actual human specimens, and how tricky it would be to get the mannerisms and locomotion of humans correct in such a large and gangly suit, especially when it was imperative that we set off after Koczgal right away. As it was rightly pointed out to me-there was no time to practice “being human.”

  It became clear even before the mission began that the team would have problems getting along with one another. Our disparate backgrounds and experiences lead us to disagree on just about every course of action, no matter how insignificant. This dysfunction of our team came to a climax when, shortly before our designated landing time, the ship malfunctioned and a decision needed to be made. Dr. Pickens wanted to make an emergency landing. Fitzgibbons wanted to take a chance and eject over an open area. I sided with the Doctor, who was certain he’d be able to bring us down safely, if rather clumsily. Outvoted, the lady sat, white knuckled and sulking, as we neared ground zero.

  Thankfully, we all survived the crash landing, and Fitzgibbons immediately picked up the scent of the Yganae. It was determined that Fitzgibbons and I would track the Yganae, while Dr. Pickens would stay behind to contact base and endeavor to get the ship sky-worthy, again.

  I wanted to bring our weapons along in order to apprehend the fugitive, but Fitzgibbons insisted on traveling lightly as we followed the trail and scouted the situation. I found this plan ridiculous, and accused her of concocting it as retaliation against us for not ejecting earlier, as she had wanted. But,as Fitzgibbons refused to leave the ship until I acquiesced, she and I set off after the scent, weaponless.

  We followed the scent trail to an area heavily occupied by humans. Fortunately, our disguises worked and we went mostly unseen. However, we were soon disappointed to learn the scent trail Ellory had been following was not Yganae, but was that of a large, slobbering canine in a fenced area behind a human dwelling.

  It was while we were at this dwelling that we were spotted by a human with a primitive weapon. Being unarmed ourselves, we scampered as quickly as we could into the wooded area around the perimeter of the dwelling. Unfortunately, the human fired his weapon and injured Ms. Fitzgibbons.

  We found sanctuary under a fallen log in the forested area, and that is when I noticed that Fitzgibbons and I were in the clearing where we were to have landed originally. All the telltale markers of a Summerville waypoint were there, tall coniferous trees, circle of fallen logs stones placed in the appropriate patterns. I even found two or three of the marked up tiles the Yganae are famous for leaving at waypoints. Excited, I wedged myself into the base of a fallen log and found the Toincoss beacon, summoning a rescue ship. I then went in search of Dr. Pickens so that he might perform first aid on Ellory.

  It was on this trip back to Pickens that I was picked up by the man in the white coat, the one the humans call, “Doctor Despicable”.

  TWO

  Theo Brown slung the mop from the bucket and slopped it onto the floor. Streams of grey water trailed the mop as he moved it around and around. Theo stared at the swirling pools of water on the floor for a moment, the way children stare at clouds while lying on their backs.

  “Cool,” he said.

  His favorite song started playing through his earbuds as he slipped out of the bathroom and down the hall. Using one hand to turn up the volume, he pushed the mop bucket into the utility closet and continued walking, scratching at the place where the waistband of his sweatpants touched his skin. He turned left down the hall and then made a quick right into the copy room.

  “Hot in here tonight,” he said, sidling up alongside his girlfriend, Juanita, who was placing a document on the copier. Her hand slipped as Theo bumped against her, moving the paper so that it was no longer properly aligned.

  “Theo, knock it off,” Juanita said, as he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her toward him, “I’m trying to work here.”

  “It’s late,” he said, moving his hand upward.

  “I know,” she said, placing her hand on top of his and pushing it down, “but Dr. DePascale has a deadline, That means that I, also, have a deadline.”

  Theo frowned and backed away. He leaned against the table next to the copier, arms folded, and watched Juanita move around the machine.

  “Ah. Thwarted by Doctor Despicable, once again,” he said.

  “I told you not to call him that,” Juanita replied. “If you’re not careful, you’re going to slip up and call him that to his face.”

  “If I ever get to meet him, you mean,” Theo said. “Didn’t you say he was very handsome and charming?”

  “You know I never did,” Juanita said, carrying on with her copying work without missing a beat, “but, now that you mention it, he does have a really cute butt.”

  “Har, har,” Theo said, then, after a moment, added, “that was a joke, right?” Juanita turned to glare an “of course it was a joke” look at him and then returned her attention to the machine.

  “What kind of work is this, anyway?” Theo asked, staring at the copies as they accumulated in the paper tray.

  “I don’t know,” Juanita said, “science stuff.”

  “I thought you went to college,” Theo said, “and studied about brainiac stuff.”

  “I did, but that was zoology.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Animal science. The Doctor does Chemistry stuff,” she said as she gathered the papers from the output tray and tapped them on the top of the copier to line them up. “That’s chemical science,” she added, as if anticipating the question.

  “I know that much,” Theo said, eyes narrowing.

  Juanita smiled. “Sorry, of course you do.” She leaned over and gave Theo a quick p
eck, but pressed the stack of papers against his chest when he leaned in for more. “You have a one track mind,” she complained.

  “Can I help it if you’re so gorgeous I’d rather make out with you than start the vacuuming?”

  She made another expression Theo recognised. It was the, “I’ve thought of something to distract my boyfriend when I’m not in the mood for lovin” face. “Speaking of animal science,” she said, “come with me.”

  “I don’t care about science.” Theo’s shoulders drooped, and his hands fell to his sides.

  “Don’t whine,” Juanita scolded as she turned toward the door. “Just come on. I want to show you something.”

  “Now we’re talking,” Theo said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.

  “Honestly, Theo, you act like such a pervert,” Juanita said, shaking her head. “Anyway, it’s up on fifth. C’mon.”

  They rode the elevator up to a floor which looked to Theo to be identical to the one they’d left - same room full of cubicles, same hallway to the bathrooms, same copy room. The only difference was the location of the labs on this floor - they were in the back of the space, past the restrooms, as opposed to off to the right as you stepped off the elevator.

  “Too quiet up here,” Theo said, in a hushed voice, “I don’t like it.”

  “If you were a normal janitor, you’d appreciate the silence,” Juanita replied.They crossed the office and had reached an unmarked laboratory door. Juanita produced a ring of keys from her pocket.

  “I’ll have you know I am quite normal, as far as janitors go,” Theo replied, feigning indignance.

  “Hmm,” was Juanita’s simple reply, as she fiddled with her keys.

  “How many janitors you know, anyway?” Theo said, pressing up against her back and looking down at the top of her head.

  “I know enough.” Theo could hear the smile in her voice.

  “That so?” Theo was just warming up to this banter when Juanita pushed the door open.

  “Aha,” she said, stepping into the room.

  The first thing Theo noticed was a strong, musky smell, like a mix of urine and dead mouse, he thought. He grimaced, and held the neck of his t-shirt up to cover his nose. He saw animals in cages and a floor that was incredibly filthy, even by his standards. The caged critters included small rodents such as rats, mice, guinea pigs, and hamsters. The largest specimen was a raccoon. It was the only occupant in a row of larger cages that had been set up along the wall on the far side of the room.

  “What is this, an abandoned petting zoo?” Theo asked.

  “Not a petting zoo,” Juanita replied. “Dr. DePascale is using them for research. He's told me the work is ‘top secret,’ but it can’t be anything, like, official. I mean, I don’t have government clearance, or anything, and he’s let me in here. I’m pretty sure it’s just that the other guys in charge don’t know anything about what he has going on up here.”

  “How about the other people on this floor? Didn’t they see your boss drag these animals in?”

  “Nobody works on this floor,” Juanita replied, and none of the security ever questions anything any of my bosses does around here.

  “This floor is gross,” Theo remarked.

  Juanita shrugged. “Yeah, a janitor’s never been in to clean. ‘Top Secret,’ remember? I complained about the smell and the mess and that’s why he gave me a key - so I could have access to ‘tidy up a bit’ in my ‘spare time.’” She rolled her eyes. “As you can see, I’m kind of failing at finding any ‘spare time.’ So, I thought, maybe you could help these little guys out while I get my stuff done downstairs.”

  “Hey, look,” Theo said, gesturing toward the raccoon. “I think he’s clapping his little furry hands.” The raccoon had the digits of his front paws pressed together, and was repeatedly touching them against one another..

  “They’re paws, not hands,” Juanita corrected. “And, he’s not clapping, he’s signing.”

  “Signing?” Theo tilted his head and eyed the creature curiously. “You mean, like sign language?”

  “Yes.” Juanita approached the cage and imitated the motions the raccoon was performing, pressing her thumbs against her fingers and bringing her hands together to touch. “Cornelius, more?” She said to the raccoon. The raccoon performed the sign again. Juanita grabbed a nugget from a nearby bag and offered it to the creature, who popped it into his mouth, began chewing enthusiastically, and then repeated the sign for “more”.

  “Awesome!” Theo exclaimed. “That is so cool. Think I can try it?”

  “Um,” Juanita began, but before she could say anything more, Theo signed the word “more” and threw a treat in the cage. The raccoon turned to retrieve it and Theo laughed.

  “That’s it, come on,” Juanita said, her voice angry. She began pushing Theo toward the door.

  “Wait, what did I do?” Theo asked, resisting her efforts to move him.

  “You’re goofing around. It was a mistake to bring you up here.”

  “What do you mean? Did I do it wrong?”

  Juanita sighed. “Yes. You did it wrong. Don’t you notice any difference between what I did and what you did?” Theo shrugged. Juanita shook her head. “There’s a procedure. If you teach Cornelius any bad habits, Dr. DePascale will know you’ve been screwing around in here. Like I said, this was a mistake.”

  “So, show me,” Theo said, “show me exactly what to do and I won’t screw it up again. Please?” He placed his palms together and tilted his head. “Please?”

  Juanita took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll show you how you do it the right way, but only if you promise me you aren’t going to screw around.”

  “Scout’s honor,” Theo replied, holding his left hand in the air.

  “First of all, you were never a scout. Second of all, you raise your right hand when making a promise.”

  Theo switched hands. “Okay, on my honor. Whatever. I just promise I won’t screw around.”

  “Good.”

  “Sweet,” Theo said, but do we have to call this cute little guy “Cornelius”? That’s like, the dorkiest name I’ve ever heard.” Juanita clenched her teeth and put a hand on her hip, making her “I am running out of patience with you” face. “I’m Kidding, I’m kidding,” Theo said, though he had not been kidding.

  “Okay, so, here’s how it works,” Juanita said, “you do the sign for “more”, and you say the word. When he repeats the sign, you reward him, but you don’t just randomly throw the treat in the cage, because then he has to go looking for it and doesn’t associate the treat with the sign. You want him to understand he got the treat for doing the sign.”

  “But he’s, like, doing the sign all the time,” Theo said.

  “Right, so that’s what you’re trying to teach him - that he will be rewarded for doing the sign when you want him to. It is supposed to motivate him to learn and do more signs.”

  “Cool,” Theo said. He then turned to Cornelius, made the sign, and said, “more”. Cornelius immediately responded with the appropriate sign, and Theo handed him a treat nugget.

  “He looks like he’s smiling,” Theo said, smiling himself as he watched the creature nibble the nugget.

  “Great. Look, I’ve got some more work to do, but you can hang out with Cornelius here all night if you want. It’ll give you something to do while you wait for me. And, maybe you can clean the floor?”

  “Cool,” Theo said.

  Juanita left. Theo stared at the raccoon, who was still periodically signing the word “more”. “You sure like those treats, huh, Corny?” Theo asked the raccoon. “I hope you don’t mind if I call you “Corny”, because, as corny as the name Corny is, it is way less corny than the name Cornelius.” He picked up the bag of treats and frowned as he read the ingredients. “Fish meal and corn byproducts. Yuck.”

  He put the bag down on the counter. “I wonder what you would eat if you were out there in the wild, instead of trapped in here at the mercy of Dr. Despicable.”
Theo thought for a moment, then continued. “I’ve only ever seen raccoons eat out of garbage cans. I bet you’d kill for some Cheez Doodlez or an old rotten sandwich right now, like nature intended, instead of more of these nasty pellets.”

  As Theo watched, the animal started moving his paws in a different way, forming distinct shapes with them that Theo realized must be other signs. He swore quietly and wondered if he should run and get Juanita. Then he thought better of it - she’d surely accuse Theo of “screwing around” and banish him from the room.

  “I don’t know sign language, Corny,” Theo said, “but I have an idea.” He took out his phone and found a sign language app. He opened it and then watched the movements of the creature’s hands.

  “Looks like the alphabet,” Theo said. “Are you spelling something?” The raccoon made the “more” handshape but with only one hand, and then bent his wrist up and down. The motion was reminiscent of a person nodding his head, and intuitive enough that Theo recognized it to be the sign for the word “yes”. A quick check of the app on his phone confirmed his suspicion. Theo laughed wildly. “Hot dog,” he shouted. “I’m learning sign language.”

  THREE

  The male human called “Theo” was nicer than the other male human I’d encountered. He looked at me with an expression of curiosity, but it was not the cold, clinical curiosity of the researcher. This new man looked at me with the sort of curiosity that is born of a marriage of ignorance and wonder, an appealing mixture in that it signified the man was both harmless and malleable. In addition to the traditional scents of human perspiration and respiration, I detected a distinct scent of the pine forest upon him. I became hopeful that he was the ticket to my escape.

  Immediately, I attempted communication with him through the primitive hand-gesture style of communication that seemed to be the preferred way for humans to interact with animals. For neither the first nor last time, I cursed my inability to communicate via speech. When I saw the human produce a correspondence transmitter, my hopes soared. I knew that if only I could have access to the keyboard on the device, my communication woes would be over.